you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
