you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
