I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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