Acid is not a monday night drug
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
