Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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