we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
