Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
