just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
