Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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