just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
