Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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