Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
