idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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