I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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