The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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