you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
