told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
A bitchslap is in order.
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