i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
