If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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