I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Operation Purity has been aborted
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
