Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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