Kiss
Puke
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
