i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize