he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
