Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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