Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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