she was so not down for the gang bang
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
