whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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