Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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