areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
