What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
