I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
