My hand turned me down
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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