hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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