Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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