I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
