I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
