Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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