I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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