maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
