So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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