I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
