Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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