The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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