Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
