he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I did not marry a roomba.
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