My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
