The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
