So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
