I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
