You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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