how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
