alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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