so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
