took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i dont even know how to be here
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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