if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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