they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Girls should come with a carfax report
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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