there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
