I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
