my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
