that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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