I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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