If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
a search helicopter?!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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