My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
